The Shunning Culture: My Standards Make Me Better Than You || Allyson Million

addressing personal convictions, the real purpose of standards, and the “holier than thou” attitude common among church people

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★PREFACE: This article is definitely a lengthier one, but this is a heavier topic and could honestly not be summarized into a few paragraphs. Every sentence, ever piece of information, every verse of Scripture is completely necessary in order to fully understand and comprehend this topic. If there is any article of mine that you read, please let it be this one, for I feel it is a topic that needs to be brought to the surface and into the light, the one dearest to me, the one God has been writing on my heart for almost half my life. This has been thoroughly prayed over, poured over, & studied over-and the process of writing it was not taken lightly in the least bit.

When I began this blog, a main purpose was to be able to dive into topics that seem so “unmentionable” among our churches, almost the elephant in the room.

~If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to DM my blog’s Instagram page: @_passionateintrovert.

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Standards in churches? 100%. Shunning others from your church and treating them unkindly when they do not interpret something the same as you? Absolutely not.

I ran across a quote the other day that went along the lines of,

Religious Christianity: I obey therefore I am accepted.

Biblical Christianity: I’m accepted therefore I obey.

This inspired me to finally finish this article on a topic God has been placing on my heart for a very long time now.

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What are the purpose of standards?

We often hear the answer being that faith without works is dead, and that is why we have standards. While I do not disagree with this statement, I do believe we should use caution when explaining it in this way. This often implies that we have standards in order to somehow “earn” our way in this Christian walk. And while it is true that living sanctified both inwardly and outwardly is necessary, and having these standards pleases the Lord and proves our devotion and dedication to Him, we are in no way capable of “working up salvation” or “earning our way to Heaven.” Ephesians 2 does a good job of explaining that argument for us.

Ephesians 2:8-9 ~ “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:

9 Not of works, lest any man should boast.”

There is no way that we can earn our salvation.

Having standards/living sanctified is actually one way we “die to self”. [Galatians 2:20] We put away the carnal things. We do not do these things for the approval of others, we do them for the approval of God. We do not do them to earn our salvation, but rather to glorify and point towards Christ, honoring Him with every part of our lives-body, mind, soul & spirit.

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The Infamous “Holier Than Thou” Attitude:

Too many times I have personally witnessed the pride and haughtiness of Christians toward others, both in the church and out. There is almost nothing that makes me sicker in this Church world than seeing religious people with their noses turned up at others simply because they don’t look how they think they should look. Simply because they don’t know them.

Simply because of the assumption that they must be compromisers.

Simply because of shallow reasons.

*Again, please do not misunderstand me-I believe firmly in “Biblical Holiness” and “Biblical standards.”

☞ It’s sad to say, but this is often the conversation between “Christian” people: “Her hair isn’t long enough, his hair isn’t short enough, her sleeves were too short, he had a beard, I could see her knees, they had rings on, he was wearing a tie, and oh! I think she had makeup on! Could you see it?”

•Need I even point out how unprofitable this kind of conversation is? We may involve ourselves in these conversations thinking they are harmless, or that we aren’t trying to talk badly of anyone. But no matter how harmless we may have intended it to be, do we really think God hears this kind of conversation and smiles, thinking how proud He is of His people? No matter what your standards are, they do not give anyone the right to gossip about others. And that’s exactly what this kind of talk is. Not only being nosy, not being sociable, not “I’m not trying to talk bad about them, I’m just observing!“...it’s gossip.

I’ll just say it: your personal standards do not make you holy, and they do not make you better than anyone else!

If you truly believe this, or even act as if you believe this, you have failed to see or understand what holiness is NOT: pride. There is no room for pride in a child of God’s heart. Pride is the root of treating others like they are less-than, simply because we don’t agree with the length of someone’s sleeves or hair or dress or the amount of their facial hair or the choice of their symbol of marriage.

“Sometimes we major on the minors, and minor on the majors.”

If it is not our place to determine someone’s salvation, it is also not our place to determine their sanctification and holiness. With this being the case, why on earth would we waste our time treating someone differently and talking about them behind their back all because they don’t fit our criteria for what we think sanctification and holiness should look like? That is for GOD to decide, and God only. Let’s adhere to “Bible Holiness,” rather than man-made holiness.

We could save ourselves a lot of time and trouble if we just treated people with kindness. Thankfully, it is not our duty to decide if others are living the way they should or not; let’s leave that up to God and not involve ourselves where we don’t belong. Let us do as James 5:9 instructs: “Grudge not one against another, brethren, lest ye be condemned: behold, the judge standeth before the door.”

(Picture a court room full of commotion-arguments and disagreements and haughtiness. But be careful, for the Judge is standing just outside the door, and when He comes in to settle all disagreements, He will have the final word.)

We are surely all capable of letting pride creep into our hearts and revealing itself through our attitudes and conversation. None of us are above having this attitude or these thoughts. That’s why it is so important that we keep our carnal selves under submission by the Holy Spirit, and pursue a holiness heart every single day.

Matthew 7:3-5 ~ “And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?

5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.”

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A Brief Look Into the Issue of Personal Convictions:

Our standards should come straight from the Bible. This is not to say we cannot have personal convictions and interpretations of Scriptures, but we must realize they are just that. Personal convictions and interpretations. There are some issues on which the Bible is black and white:

•thou shalt not kill

•thou shalt not commit adultery

•love thy father and mother

•these things doth the Lord hate... [Proverbs 6:16-19].

But there are also issues in which God purposefully (God is intentional in everything He says and does) leaves room for personal convictions. These are personal, not things stated in the Bible clearly as “this way and this way only.”

[Again, the black & white issues are clearly stated, no other interpretation required or possible.]

If we are treating others based off of how they follow standards that aren’t even clearly stated in the Bible, how is that fair? Paul states in 1 Corinthians 4:6 that we are “not to think above that which is written” and that we are not to be “puffed up for one against another.”

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Intention is everything when it comes to convictions.

If a scripture is not black and white, than we as humans have no right to tell someone their interpretation is not right and our’s is. There is a difference between those who have brushed off topics addressed in the Bible just to ease their conscience even when the Holy Spirit is trying to convict them and those who are truly seeking the truth.

If the other person has studied something out for himself to the deepest of his ability and sincerely sought God’s face on the matter, being completely open and willing to whatever He desires, his conclusion has been well-reached. And if we ourselves have done the same, then our conclusion has also been well-reached.

Who are we to say that God should have personally convicted someone else just because He did us? Or that just because God directed us in the path He did towards a certain belief that He should have done the exact same for the other individual?

It’s all about intentions. IF the intentions were pure, God was the center of it, and both persons allowed God to control the way they believe it and not their own opinions or traditions, it can be right for both of them even if they come to different conclusions.

But with that understanding, we have to realize that we cannot impose our personal convictions onto someone else. We cannot tell them it’s Bible when really it is just how we interpret it. People tend to assume others are wrong in their convictions simply because it doesn’t match up with their own.

What’s wrong for one person may not necessarily be wrong for everyone else! God has convicted you of it, so for you it would be wrong. But for others it may not be, if it is an issue that God has not convicted them of in the same way. This is not for us to decide, it is between that person and God. But we should never put ourselves in such authority to speak over someone and tell them that they are wrong simply because they do not have the same personal conviction we do. Personal convictions are simply that!

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How do we ever plan to reach those who believe differently than we by treating them with contempt and shutting them out?

If someone disagrees with us, we typically want them to agree eventually, right? The goal is for them to come to believe the Bible and what it teaches. But if this is really the goal, it makes no sense to treat those same people we would like to see changed with malice and disreguard-shunning them and refusing to treat them the same as those who believe just like us. Will this make them want to believe more like us? Surely not.

Is this how Jesus treated those here on earth that He disagreed with? REMEMBER: The Pharisees were the ones condemning Jesus for eating with the sinners. The Pharisees were the ones shunning others for not believing the same as them. The Pharisees were the ones telling Jesus that He wasn’t obeying the religious rules strict enough (Matthew 12). Religious, but not of God.

Luke 15:1-2 ~ “Then drew near unto him all the publicans and sinners for to hear him.

2 And the Pharisees and scribes murmured, saying, This man receiveth sinners, and eateth with them.“

In no way do I mean to imply that we are “only to love,” as in tolerate and accept the sin of others. You don’t have to agree with people in order to love them and treat them with kindness. Love does not equal accepting their behavior. Even if you do not agree with someone’s convictions, you can treat them with a Christian love. Jesus surely did not agree with everyone He came in contact with on earth, yet He treated them with love and kindness, and most importantly He showed them the truth.

Matthew 9:12-13 ~ “But when Jesus heard that, he said unto them, They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick.

13 But go ye and learn what that meaneth, I will have mercy, and not sacrifice: for I am not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.”

It’s time for so-called Christians to stop treating others based on whether or not they agree with our standards to a T. We do not want others to feel as though they should live by our standards and convictions in order to fit in-that’s called a religious clique (or cult, if you will,) not a church.

James 2:9 ~ ”But if ye have respect to persons, ye commit sin, and are convinced of the law as transgressors.”

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There are standards for the inside just as much as for the outside.

Some would argue that outward standards are more important, but true Biblical Holiness begins in the heart. The outward standards will come in time. When someone first comes to the Lord, they do not immediately know everything to give up, everything to alter from their previous life before Christ. This comes with prayer, where God convicts them in His own time as they seek Him. Outward standards of holiness are purely the manifestations of a sanctified holiness heart.

I once heard it worded like this, “A standard will not produce Christ...But Christ will always produce a standard.”

Others would argue that the only standards that we should have are inward-that God does not care about the outside. However, our bodies are temples of the Lord. Should we not care how the temple is presented? This is, after all, our testimony!

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 ~ ”What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?

20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.”

Holiness is in the way we speak, our behavior, the way we present ourselves-it is everything about our being. “The stream is no more purer than the source.” If your heart is right with God and pursuing holiness, it will show on the outside. We must be dedicated to God, and we prove that to Him with both our inward and outward standards. They help build our relationship with Him. It is true our outward standards provide a testimony to those around us, but our outward standards amount to absolutely nothing if our heart is not pure.

Matthew 5:8 ~ ”Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.”

Proverbs 4:23 ~ “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”

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It is not right to place an extreme importance on one standard/conviction above all the others.

We should not be placing importance on having only outward standards over inward ones. After all, as mentioned above, holiness begins in the heart. A pure heart will manifest itself outwardly, but outward standards do not themselves produce a pure heart.

We should not be placing importance on one specific standard/conviction over all the others, becoming so hard and strict on one issue while ignoring the rest that slip past. This includes holding extreme requirements for the women and not the men and vice versa, and putting extreme emphasis on one standard/conviction while acting as if the rest aren’t nearly as important. In our churches, our families, our groups, we should take the Bible in its entirety, not leaving out certain parts to make life “easier” for us, and not obsessing over a single part over all the rest.

It has sadly been proven, that most who are absurdly, unnecessarily, and extremely strict on only certain issues are more than likely hiding or overcompensating for something else in their life.

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Know what you believe, and why you believe it!

One of the scariest places you can be in as a Christian is not knowing why you believe something. You’re at work and someone questions you on a certain belief or standard, and you freeze! You have no idea what Scriptures to give them, you have no idea how to explain this to them! You’ve never had to think twice about it because everyone you’re normally around feels the same way you do! Having been in this place myself, I can attest to this being both extremely nerve-wracking, humiliating, and humbling all at the same time.

You’ve been raised in something your whole life. Your family teaches it. The church you attend teaches it. Your friends live it. Nobody you’ve ever been around has questioned you. But there comes a time of accountability out from under mom and dad’s or your church’s umbrella of safety. When you’re out in the world, don’t doubt for a second that others will be curious and ask questions.

1 Peter 3:15 ~ “But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:”

But outside of having an answer for others who question you, you should know why you believe simply for the sake of your own walk with God. Live your standards intentionally! Bitterness and resentment will subconsciously creep in when you’re only living something because someone else told you that you should.

[this thought continued in conclusion]

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In Conclusion:

Have your own standards, stand firm, and be ready to answer when others ask about them. But do not treat others with contempt and silence and pride, simply because they don’t look how you think they should. You never know someone’s situation, which is exactly why the Bible states that the Lord looks on the heart while man looks on the outward appearance. [1 Samuel 16:7]

As mentioned before, this does not imply that God does not care what the outside looks like, but instead points out that God knows every one of us personally-He knows our hearts. He knows why we are living our standards. Man is incapable of seeing the heart in the way God does. Man, being shallow and judgmental by fallen nature, looks firstly and primarily on the outside. Yes, this may be all we have to go by when first seeing someone, but this does not give us means to mistreat others. We should change our mindset from basing the way we treat others on how they look, to: this person has a soul.

“The way we treat people has more to do with holiness than our top 10 lists of worldly do's & don't's.”

-Pastor Joe Myers

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Standards are all about living holiness unto the Lord, for His glory.

If you have standards for any other reason, it is not pleasing to God.

•If your standards give you a pride and haughtiness that puts you above anyone else in your mind, it is not pleasing to God.

•If you are forcing your personal convictions onto others, it is not pleasing to God.

•If you are living standards in fear of losing friends or church family if you were to believe any other way, it is not pleasing to God.

•If you are living standards for any other reason than because they are what YOU believe in YOUR heart, (as in that’s “just how I’ve been raised,” or they’re “what my church or family teaches,” or “others in my church circle would cut me off if I lived any other way,”) it’s time you examine your heart and start believing things because it’s what the Bible says.

While there is certainly nothing wrong with living something out of obedience even when you are unsure of the reason why, it is a scary place to be. Do you really want to be caught in headlights when questioned by the world? (As Christians caring about our testimony, we want to be able to tell others what we believe and why we believe it.) Do we really want to live the rest of our lives not knowing why we have certain standards? Do we really want to raise a family not knowing why? (Children WILL ask questions. And for most, the answer “just because” or “because that’s how our church believes it” or even “because it’s in the Bible” (without any true evidence) is not an acceptable answer. They WILL look for the answer somewhere else if it is not given to them at home or at church.)

⇨ ⇨ ⇨ ⇨ When we have no understanding as to why we have certain standards and are living a certain way, we will be easily swayed to believe anything. Sadly, we see this in a lot of cases with children and teenagers raised in church. They are not taught the background of their beliefs and standards at home or in their church, so when they are faced with things in the world they have no foundation on which to lean upon. We also see this with Christians who are so easily swayed to believe one way or another, fickle in every sense, because they have no real roots in their beliefs. They may have heard all their lives that “this is the way to live it,” but if they were never taught why, it will not last. Without a firm grasp and understanding of why we believe what we believe, we can be so easily influenced and persuaded by anything and everything-blown about by every wind of doctrine. ⇦ ⇦ ⇦ ⇦

If we make no efforts to find out why we believe what we believe, we are cheapening the gospel. In our churches and in our families, we are setting up the next generations to fail by not teaching them the evidence behind our beliefs, doctrines, and standards.

Don’t let standards that are supposed to be for the glory of God become your rulebook for a religious cult.

Strive to be a church that makes others want to be Christians dedicated and living for Christ inside & out, not simply members of a churchy clique.

It’s not our holiness, but God’s holiness! If we really believe this, we have no reason to shun others, gossip about them, or treat them with contempt--thinking we are higher above them because of our standards.

If our real intention for living holiness is to glorify and point towards Christ, we should have no reason to treat others as less than us.

★ Examine your intentions for living the standards that you do! ★

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Take some time to read James 2:1-13!

1 My brethren, have not the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory, with respect of persons.

2 For if there come unto your assembly a man with a gold ring, in goodly apparel, and there come in also a poor man in vile raiment;

3 And ye have respect to him that weareth the gay clothing, and say unto him, Sit thou here in a good place; and say to the poor, Stand thou there, or sit here under my footstool:

4 Are ye not then partial in yourselves, and are become judges of evil thoughts?

5 Hearken, my beloved brethren, Hath not God chosen the poor of this world rich in faith, and heirs of the kingdom which he hath promised to them that love him?

6 But ye have despised the poor. Do not rich men oppress you, and draw you before the judgment seats?

7 Do not they blaspheme that worthy name by the which ye are called?

8 If ye fulfil the royal law according to the scripture, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself, ye do well:

9 But if ye have respect to persons, ye commit sin, and are convinced of the law as transgressors.

10 For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.

11 For he that said, Do not commit adultery, said also, Do not kill. Now if thou commit no adultery, yet if thou kill, thou art become a transgressor of the law.

12 So speak ye, and so do, as they that shall be judged by the law of liberty.

13 For he shall have judgment without mercy, that hath shewed no mercy; and mercy rejoiceth against judgment.

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Benediction:

My prayer is simply that we not exceed (add to) that which is written in God’s Word, and that we do not ignore anything that is written.

Romans 15:5-7 ~ “Now the God of patience and consolation grant you to be likeminded one toward another according to Christ Jesus:

6 That ye may with one mind and one mouth glorify God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

7 Wherefore receive ye one another, as Christ also received us to the glory of God.”

by Allyson Million