Forgiveness is not always deserving, or at least not in the sense that is our definition of deserving. As humans, we often disappoint and fall short of others’ expectations. We make mistakes and say things we shouldn’t. But if our own forgiveness of sins was based on another human’s definition of forgiveness, we would all surely be in trouble. Thankfully, Jesus happens to believe that every single one of us is deserving of His forgiveness. Even when we feel we’ve reached the limit of possible mistakes and shortcomings, His mercies are new each morning.
Jesus also taught that forgiveness was not limited to only once or twice, or however many times we felt that person deserved it. When His followers asked Him how many times they were to forgive their neighbor, he replied, “Seventy times seven.” [Matthew 18:21-22] There are times we catch ourself saying, “I already forgave them once, so they’ve lost their chance!” Now tell me, how many times would the Lord be able to say that about you?
Forgiveness is not limited to only those who are sorry, or those who have truly changed their ways. Sometimes we find ourselves in positions where we have to forgive those who have never apologized, or those who prove they are never going to change. We have to realize that the changing is up to God, and we cannot control others’ words, thoughts, or actions. Once we come to this realization, we will stop viewing forgiveness as trying to fix someone’s heart, and instead leave that up to God.
Long story short, forgiveness is absolutely necessary. It is to be given freely, without conditions or requirements. It is to be given in love and not simply out of trying to “one-up” someone, or to appear like a “holier,” better Christian than the next person. If these are really your intentions, you are no better than the one you are attempting to forgive.
Another concept to remember is that forgiveness is not always a device used to mend relationships between people. If not anything else, it is for your own peace and relationship with God. Bitterness has no place in the heart of any child of God. Forgiveness will not always heal broken situations, but it will strengthen your character and deepen your walk with the Lord.
It is important to keep in mind, forgiveness is not to be mistaken for being naive. You don’t have to let others manipulate you or be your closest confidant in order to forgive them. You just have to love them, just as Jesus taught us to do so. His life provides the perfect example of how we are to love others. Jesus forgave the very ones who nailed him to a cross! While hanging, he cried out, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do!” [Luke 23:34] We have surely never been nailed to a cross, and yet we still have the nerve to withhold our forgiveness from others. After hearing these heart-wrenching words, how are we to ever assume that someone is beyond our forgiveness?
We often hear the phrase, “forgive and forget,” but I disagree to a certain point. I understand that if we are truly forgiving someone, we will no longer hold their wrongdoings against them. However, sometimes we hesitate to forgive because we don’t want to be taken advantage of again or let our guard down. You can remember things someone did without holding them against them. We learn from every situation, so to assume that in order to forgive, as the Bible teaches, that we have to forget the experiences that taught us so much would be extremely difficult and unprofitable. You do not have to forget the lessons you have learned from certain situations in order to forgive, as long as you are no longer holding those things over that person’s head.
Forgiveness is ultimately rooted in love. One thing I have always been taught is that if you are having a hard time loving someone, pray for them. The same can be said for forgiveness. If you find yourself having a hard time forgiving someone, pray for them. I guarantee you that your outlook will change. If you have a forgiveness problem, chances are you have a love problem-a heart problem. Jesus can help you with that!
Remember, forgiveness is not something that you simply master. Sometimes it is harder to do than others, sometimes it is needed in situations that we would least expect, and sometimes it has to be given to those we feel are undeserving. But if you’ll just think of the grace and forgiveness God has freely given to you over your lifetime, often in times when you were completely undeserving, it will quickly humble you.
Who knows, you may even start wanting to forgive others who have wronged you!
-Allyson Million
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