the story/testimony/inspiration behind a song I recently wrote: A Mind That Is Made New [available on my YouTube: Allyson Million, this page, and my Instagram @_passionateintrovert]
You wake up in the morning, and something feels off. You wait for the burst of joy, the eagerness to start your day, the gratefulness to have been given another day to serve the Lord…but it doesn’t come.
Or maybe you’re trying to get to sleep at night. Your mind is racing, your stomach feels sick with anxiety, your heart is troubled, and you keep overthinking about things you know you just need to leave in the past. It feels like there’s a weight weighing on your chest making it hard for you to breathe. The hours seem to crawl by. You know you need rest, but your mind won’t let you.
You can’t put a finger on why you’re feeling this way. You don’t understand why, as a Christian dedicated to serving the Lord, you are filled with such turmoil in your heart & mind. You feel hopeless. Your day feels unredeemable. You feel as though you simply “can’t help” that you’re feeling & thinking this way.
This happens to me. I’m a Christian, truly dedicated to God, with all my sins under the blood of Jesus, and this still happens to me at times.
We expect this to be only a problem that sinners ever struggle with, but Christians have mind battles too! We have emotions too! The difference is, with God we have the power to do something about it. We have someone to turn to. (Keep reading…)
My Personal Testimony: Depression & Mind Battles
For several years during my early teens, I struggled with seasons of depression. It was something no one ever knew about and something I eventually started to find identity in. It wasn't something I wanted to struggle with; I did not thrive under nor seek attention in having these seasons of depression.
It got so bad that most mornings, I would find myself becoming angry that I even woke up. This was not at all because I had a terrible life; my life was actually pretty close to perfect on paper. I was blessed with a wonderful Christian family, an amazing church, a great home-life, and the list goes on. Yet I simply had no desire to wake up-to spend another day with my own thoughts. Because that was the problem: my mind. My mind turned into a scary place, and I felt I had lost control of all my thoughts and feelings. I had no joy, no peace, and even times when I had no true longing for God.
I look back on those days that God has since delivered me from, and my heart completely breaks for that girl. The girl who thought she could never have any control over her thoughts or emotions. The girl who thought God didn't care about what went on in her heart & mind. The girl who let her negative emotions fuel her thoughts and her negative thoughts fuel her actions. The girl who felt hopeless and like no one truly understood what she was going through.
It was so hard, then, to let go of what I was feeling and let God have control. It takes a lot to hold everything in and pretend everything's okay-to not let God in.
But it takes so much more to humble yourself by letting Him have complete control and to put all your trust in Him.
I realize now, no matter how hard it may have been for me to let go, it was all so worth it.
I wish I could go back and tell my younger self that life is hard, but there is hope so much greater than your despair. God truly cares about every thought that runs through your mind & every feeling that fills your heart. the Bible says He is "touched with the feelings of our infirmities"! (Hebrews 4:15) If He cares for the sparrows who have no soul, how much more does He care for you? I wish I could tell her that He will give you the power to take your thoughts & emotions captive if you will surrender to Him!
I thought I had no choice but to let my thoughts control me. I was a willing slave to my mind which was filled with negatvity, sorrow, worry, and hopelessness. It is only by the grace of God that I am typing this testimony right now, and not in a deeper, darker place. It is only by the grace of God that I am here on this earth today. All the glory be to God for His mercy on my soul that was wrecked by sin and strife! He deserves all the credit for the joy and peace I now have. No matter the mind battles that I may still struggle with from time-to-time, as most of us do, I have never returned to that place of despair. The Lord has taught me that if I will put my trust in His strength instead of my own, that He will help me bring my thoughts into captivity.
Now, I am able to go through a hard season without losing all hope and thinking that God doesn't care for me or what I'm going through. I'm able to view my struggles through the lense of "How can this bring glory to Him?" instead of the whole "Woe is me" routine.
If you find yourself in a season of depression or anxiety, of hopelessness, of no joy or peace, I have been brought through all those seasons of my past to tell you that THERE IS HOPE IN JESUS! If you will open up your hands and give everything you are thinking and feeling and give it to God, He CAN take control! He CAN give you the strength to go on! It is in your weakness that He is made strong! He promises peace to all those who follow Him and put their trust in Him! This does not mean that you will never go through any struggling times, but it does mean that you will have Him to lean on and cry out to. It means that no matter what you go through on this earth, you are working towards such a greater purpose. It means everything you go through, good or bad, is all worked out for His glory and our good.
The trials of this life will fade in light of eternity with Him.
***One thing I would like to add is that this is my personal testimony from darkness to the light. People's struggles with their thoughts & emotions are all rooted in different things, possibly completely different than my own. Jesus is always the answer, but I do realize that struggling with these things does not always equal us not being right with God or that we aren't surrendered to Him. If you are someone who is truly living for the Lord, with all of your sins under the blood, and you still find yourself struggling with these things... please continue reading this article, because that is the point I really want to get down to. :)
My Personal Testimony: Dreams
Back in April, I went through a season of having empty & anxious feelings in my heart & mind. I was on fire for God, yet I felt almost unsettled, not able to figure out just why my thoughts were everywhere. I was praying and worshipping and reading my Bible, but my mind still seemed out of control.
I tend to be a very emotional person; I feel things deeply. I am not ashamed of being emotional. I try to let my emotions instead motivate me to empathize with others and help those who may struggle with their emotions like I do sometimes. I try my best to stay in prayer to keep these emotions in check with God and His Word. But especially when my emotions start to become what fuels my thoughts and actions, I have to crucify them and put them under the blood. As Christians, we are not to be emotion-led, but spirit-led.
Saying all this, being an emotional person, dreams tend to effect me deeper than I would like. One dream can ruin my whole day, or week, if I let it. I've had people tell me how amazing it is that I can have vivid dreams and even remember them! How much they wish they could have dreams about situations that happen in real life with people they really know!
But I'll go ahead and tell you, sometimes it's a curse more than it is a blessing.
And by that I mean, it's not always something I'm super grateful for, as it effects my emotions heavily. The dreams, especially the negative ones, linger far beyond just one night of rest. A lot of times it's hard for me to just shrug them off, like they're no big deal.
One morning in particular, I woke up remembering a dream that I had the previous night about a hurtful situation. I immediately felt all the sorrow & pain from that situation that I had long since surrender to God and been over, come flooding back into my mind. All morning while I was trying to get ready for work, my mind was going back & forth over the contents of that dream. I found myself getting hurt & angry all over again, even though I had been over it for some time!
The devil just loves for us to pick up something that we have already left at Jesus's feet and take on all those emotions & thoughts all over again. He doesn't want us to be free.
But as I stood at the sink in my bathroom, trying to get my thoughts to slow down long enough to wash my face, my mind filled with hurt, anxiety, and turmoil....
|| Take note of how important it is to fill our minds with Scripture so that we can use it to fight back against things that are not honoring to God! (e.g. Jesus being tempted in the wilderness and using Scripture to defeat the devil.) ||
The Lord spoke softly to my heart-bringing into my mind this verse:
2 Corinthians 2:5 >>>
“Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;”
Let me repeat that phrase again.
“Bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ”.
It was inspired by this thought, in combination with my own personal prayers, that I wrote a song, "A Mind That Is Made New".
Bringing Every Thought Into Captivity: What Does This Mean for Me?
This means, when your mind is going down rabbit trails of sadness, worry, or comparison and dragging you & your time along with it, you DON’T have to let it!
This means, when you wake up with an uneasy feeling or an aching in your heart, you DON’T have to let it stay there!
This means, when something throws off your day, it CAN be redeemed; it can be flipped around and turned into an amazing, God-honoring, productive day.
This means, when you are trying to go to sleep at night but your thoughts are racing and you can't seem to have rest or peace, you CAN find it!
Sometimes there are scars from your past that try so hard to keep you there.
Maybe it’s a hurtful situation that you’ve surrender into God’s hands, or sins that are now under the blood. The devil wants to keep your mind in that place, but HOLD ONTO YOUR FREEDOM! There will always be scars; it's a part of life. But scars don't have to turn into reopened wounds. Leave them in the past.
Take your thoughts captive and bring them under the blood of Jesus! Find the root (jealousy, worry, comparison, hurt, anger, lust, pride...) and pray over it!
Fill your mind with God’s Word and prayer instead! Always keep in mind that the Lord tells us when we can take out thoughts captive.
As Christians, we do not struggle as those who have no hope!
1 Thessalonians 4:13
If you are a Christian going through mind battles or an emotional time, know that you are human. These trials don't always mean that you’re a sinner or not serious about God.
They're not always rooted in sin, but in your flesh that you must crucify.
Check your heart. If you know that everything is under the blood, and you are trying your absolute hardest to live the Bible and seek a deeper relationship with God, these kinds of thoughts & feelings could simply be a sign that you need to refocus on Christ! To put your full trust in Him. To stop letting your flesh take control.
We are still living in this earthly body. And as long as we are living here on this earth, we WILL go through things. As Christians, we are not promised endless happy times and sunshine. We are never told that nothing will ever go wrong for us and that we’ll never struggle.
These times of perfection are reserved only for our eternity with Christ.
But when you find yourself feeling & thinking in a way that is not honoring to Christ or good for your well-being, crucify that flesh! We are told to pick up our cross daily. [Matthew 16:24] This requires daily sacrificing of our own wants & desires, our own fleshly emotions & thoughts, and surrendering all to Him!
A Word of Encouragement
IT’S HARD. As a Christian, you don’t expect to feel empty, or to not have joy & peace, or to have a fog of heaviness that settles in your mind and keeps you from being able to think clearly.
But it’s SO important what you do WITH these thoughts & feelings.
The Bible actually tells us what kind of thoughts we should be entertaining:
Philippians 4:8 says,
“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
My prayer has been, Lord, please help me to take these thoughts into captivity and please redeem them into ones that will be pleasing to You. Give me both contentment in my life and a hunger in my walk with You. Give my mind a place to rest, a refuge in the storm. Comfort my heart and my mind, and give me joy and peace that passes all understanding. Give me a mind that is made new in You.
Isaiah 26:3 >>>
Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.
This proves that when we keep our mind on Jesus and put all of our trust in Him, He WILL keep our minds in perfect peace.
Child of God, you do not have to be a slave to your own mind!
Your thoughts don’t have to consume you!
>>> but instead let your mind be filled & consumed with His Word, prayer, & worship!
Your emotions are not meant to lead you!
>>> but instead the Spirit of God!
I’ve been in those times when you don’t want to wake up to another day because it means spending another day with your own mind.
I’ve been in those times when you dread going to bed at night because the quietness makes it so much easier to hear your thoughts. The darkness makes the loneliness you feel so much more apparent.
You feel burdened, and sometimes you don’t even know why.
Give it all to the Lord.
He cares, and although He can already see it all, He still wants you to humble yourself and cast all your cares upon Him.
TELL Him what’s on your mind, even though He already knows!
SURRENDER your own desires and pray, Lord not my will but Yours.
WORSHIP Him for what He has done and is doing!
FILL your mind with eternal things, spiritual things. Read your Bible, pray, worship Him, and listen to songs that glorify Him.
FOCUS on God and what HE wants you to do for Him.
Lord, I pray that You would fill our hearts with truth, and give us a mind that is made new! ❤️
Ephesians 4:22-24 >>>
22 That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts;
23 And be renewed in the spirit of your mind;
24 And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.
by Allyson Million
June 11, 2022
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